Electronicsearch

Police and FBI today reported that a Manhattan youth, Danny Malaby, mysteriously died of starvation in his room last Friday, February 30th. Early reports imply that the youth was not receiving email from his mother announcing meal times. When questioned, Agnes Malaby, the youth’s stepmother, said that the lack of response usually meant that Danny had gone camping with neighbor, Marvin Orndorf. “He leaves his door shut in his room a lot and works on his own. I heard no unusual noises or other signs of a problem, so I didn’t go and check this week. I actually saw him for a moment last week and figured everything was fine. I finally got suspicious when his sister and stepfather missed a couple meals too. The server crash halted all internal email delivery and I was getting no error messages until this morning. By the time we broke into Danny’s room, it was too late. He looked like Ghandi and had no pulse. I tried to email 911, but due to the server crash, they didn’t get the mail either. Danny was DOA at Holy Fruit Hospital. They said he had not eaten in 6 days. Geeeez.”

Authorities say that Mrs. Malaby will be filing suit against the service provider, software firm and Cognaq Computers, the server manufacturer.

“How was I to know he wasn’t getting the messages. I blame the system and the people who wrote the software. I also think that Bill Gates must be ultimately responsible, so I am filing suit against him too. Now that Microsoft is split up, I may have a better chance of success because I can sue BOTH companies and Billy personally.”

This tragedy is just one incident in a long stream of computer messaging error deaths (CMED’s) reported in the United States this year. Figures for Third World Countries have not been available, but some experts believe they will be staggering due to the already existing technological lags between the USA and weaker nations.

“This one was just silly and very avoidable,” said Clive Mavis, an expert witness on the subject of CMED’s.

“Somebody was not paying attention or applying standard system administration troubleshooting guidelines to this network. The originator of the email should have known that the youth was not camping because the users typical out of office response message had not been activated, a sure sign that the messages were not leaving the email server. Anyone not qualified and certified on Email protocol should not be allowed to announce meals to key family members through a network, secure or non-secure. This death did not have to happen and could have been avoided. Poor Danny probably never realized it was mealtime and just slowly slipped into a weakened condition. Malnutrition probably set in and he must have been in a confused state, having stomach cramps and wondering why the meals had stopped. He may have even felt that his mother had become ill herself.”

The big question is, why didn’t this youth send an email to his mother and inquire? Was he just too busy? Had his network node glitched out as well? Was he SO into his Java book that all reality vanished? Was it sabotaging from some estranged and disgruntled chat room blow off? As the investigation continues, experts may have an answer.

Services for Danny will be held at Comdex in the spring, or may be viewed through a teleconferencing network of your choice. Phone numbers, similar news stories, funeral times for other dead, hacker opinions and other messaging death news and views may be seen by logging on at www.messagingerrordeaths.com.

Have a pleasant tomorrow.

Steve Eddington